Hello all,
How we communicate is one of the most important things we can do as partners, friends, employees, and leaders. Poor communication creates friction in productivity and relationships.
Here’s a real example: My husband and I were dividing parental duties as we ramped up our nanny share, where we alternate houses with another family. We decided he would “do drop-off” in the mornings and I would handle “pick-up” each day.
On day one, the nanny was coming to our house at 8:30am. I left for a run around 7:30am, and my husband said he needed to leave for work. Who was staying with the baby until the nanny arrived?
We’d had two completely different conversations about the same topic. Time to regroup.
To avoid miscommunication, try these steps:
- Identify the problem statement. What are you actually solving for? In our case, one of us thought we were discussing morning versus afternoon duties. The other thought we were discussing physically transporting the baby between houses. Get specific to avoid confusion.
- Decide what you’ll do about it. Agree on a clear path forward. This requires negotiation and working through conflict. For us, that meant balancing work schedules, personal time, and meal duties.
- Define the roles. Identify who executes what and what they need to know. Once we nailed down our nanny schedule, we specified exactly what each person handles during their shift.
- Set a deadline. Agree on when things will be done. If we’d discussed timing upfront, we would have immediately caught our misalignment and returned to step one.
How this connects to team dynamics:
This miscommunication hits on several elements from the Five Behaviors model. We failed at commitment because we hadn’t achieved clarity around our decision. Without that clarity, we couldn’t hold each other accountable to our agreed-upon roles. And ultimately, it threatened our results (getting the baby properly cared for on time).
The Five Behaviors assessment examines how individuals and teams approach trust, conflict, commitment, accountability, and results. These five elements build on each other. Without trust, teams avoid healthy conflict. Without conflict, you can’t achieve real commitment. Without commitment, accountability crumbles. And without accountability, results suffer.
In my husband’s and my case, we had trust. We just needed to engage in productive conflict (negotiating our needs) to reach genuine commitment about our roles.
A couple communication hints:
- Don’t let miscommunication discourage you. It happens to everyone. Get curious, regroup, and move forward.
- Communicate effectively and often. Systems matter.
NEW Offering
I recently became a partner in the Five Behaviors assessment and facilitation program. This work, done individually or as a team, helps you assess how you approach trust, conflict, commitment, accountability, and results. If you haven’t read The Five Dysfunctions of a Team by Patrick Lencioni yet, it’s the foundation for understanding why this matters for leaders. Let me know if you’d like to learn more.
Happy fall, y’all!
